Social Smiles: Living behind the Screens.

The truth is, we are in a world of impression management. We are all staging a character with social smiles.

What would sociologists, like myself, or psychologists name some of the performances we display on social media platforms in the 21st century?

For millennials and Gen Zers, our lives are pervaded by our on-screen activities — whether on TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp Stories, Facebook, or more. From many of our posts, it seems easy for people to assume our state of mind just from our pictures. There is the “perfect” finesse in our dressings, makeups, haircuts, and shaves, as well as the eloquence, smiles, and background music in the pictures and videos. So, how could it be untrue that you are living your best life just from a single picture or reel?

I will refer to this public performance as social smiles. Drawing on the sociologist Ervin Goffman’s (1959) impression management theory, we are actors on life’s stage: social media platforms and our real lives. This life stage is comprised of the front-stage and back-stage. The frontstage presents a perfect image but fails to reveal to the spectators, social connections and viewers, the messiness that goes on behind the scenes — the backstage.

The year 2024 was one of my most challenging years as an adult. That year, I remember telling someone about some of my challenges, and he responded, “So there is a lot hidden under the smiles and makeup.” But really, that’s what it is.

Many people are going through a lot, but they cannot share their experiences publicly on social media or with their friends. They show up publicly on social media, at work, and at events, but they are going through life beaming with so many smiles, those large smiles. Unfortunately, these social smiles are a façade and a denial of what is true.

These smiles beg the question, “Who do I share my struggles with in a very plastic and performative society where we hardly connect with the core of our humanity?”

We have also thrown caution to the wind, thinking our struggles are bigger than those of others. We assume all is well since the person posted beautiful pictures of travels on the statuses and stories. We hardly bother about the what-ifs. I am very guilty of this as well. I jump to a conclusion because of their fine looks.

Even when others share their struggles on social media, some of us are quick to say, “Keep your private matters private.” The person in question shared a beautiful image of themselves just a day before, so revealing their struggles now seems untrue. Hence, the world does not need to know.

The truth is, we are in a world of impression management. We are all staging a character with social smiles.

We should remember that behind each post we see, people are going through numerous life challenges: job loss, family loss, ill health, workplace stress, financial struggles, child loss, friendship challenges, marital struggles, and more.

I pray and encourage us to be kind with our words, to avoid assumptions and envy, but to wish people well.

Let us be human enough to understand that there is a behind-the-scenes aspect we are not privy to.